i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
