I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
