We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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