If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
