Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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