if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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