I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
