Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
