I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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