he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everything about him screamed your future.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
