Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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