Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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