I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
