As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
