Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you win again, gameday.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
