Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
