can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
