I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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