So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
