Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
