Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
