"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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