Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
