I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
