cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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