I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
