I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
