just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
