they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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