R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
