I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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