Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
