there's paper in my vomit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dignity is for republicans.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
