I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's never too late to be topless.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm both gender and math confused
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
