Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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