I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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