You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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