I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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