Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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