do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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