It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
