Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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