I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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