Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
