she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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