Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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