It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
