The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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