I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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