the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
