but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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