Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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