dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
